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Shadows West of Thunder River

A Tale of Conan of Cimmeria

Prequel to Beyond the Black River

David M. Garrett

I. The Dispatch from Tuscelan

From the hand of Valannus, commander of the garrison at Fort Tuscelan, to his excellency Numedides, King of Aquilonia, by way of the lord governor at Velitrium:

Be it known that in the moon now waning, six men of this garrison under the command of Decurion Publio were lost in the wilderness west of Thunder River, to which place they had been dispatched to ascertain the whereabouts of certain settlers reported overdue at the Bossonian fords. No man of that patrol has returned, nor has any sign been had of them beyond a broken arrow of Aquilonian make discovered by a trapper in the forest border west of the river. I have sent a scout of proven skill to ascertain the fate of these men. I remind your excellency that Conajohara is not yet secured and that the Picts, though quiescent these past months, are not to be trusted even in their silence. I do not like a Pictish silence. A Pict speaks when he is beaten; when he is still, he is thinking, and a thinking Pict is a knife not yet drawn.

Given under my hand, the twenty-seventh day of the Hawk Moon—

The commander had not finished the letter when the scout entered. He came without knocking, as was his way, and Valannus did not look up at first because he was accustomed to the Cimmerian’s comings and goings and had ceased to be offended by them.

“You leave at dawn?” he said.

“I leave now.”

Valannus set down the quill. The man who stood before him was tall, broad-shouldered, black of hair, blue-eyed in a face burned dark by the sun of a dozen countries. He wore a shirt of fine ring-mail beneath a scout’s jerkin of deerhide, and at his side hung a broadsword of Aquilonian pattern though the hilt had been rewrapped in rawhide after the manner of the frontier. His boots were Pictish—soft-soled, made to move silently over leaves—and he had a hatchet thrust through his belt beside a long knife.

“The moon is nearing new,” Valannus said. “You will have no light.”

“Nor will the Picts. And in three nights there will be no moon, and then I shall want to be already in the deep woods where a man needs to remain undetected.”

Valannus nodded slowly. He was a Poitainian by birth, a dark lean man with the eyes of one who has watched too long at too many frontiers, and he understood the arithmetic of wilderness travel as few men at court could have understood it. He passed a hand across his face.

“Publio was a good man,” he said. “A little proud. He would not have abandoned his patrol.”

“No,” said Conan. “He would not have abandoned them. Something took them.”

“Picts?”

The Cimmerian was a long time answering. When he spoke it was slowly, with the care of a man who has learned that words said in a commander’s office can return as nooses.

“Picts took the trappers at Redgate last autumn. Picts took the surveyors in the Deep Meadow. I know how Picts work and I know what they leave behind. Six Aquilonians do not vanish west of the river and leave no scalps on no lodge-poles. Picts make war for war’s sake, and they make sure you see what they have done, or they do not bother.”

“Then what?”

“I will know when I find it.”

Valannus took a key from around his neck and unlocked a small iron chest that stood beside his chair. From it he drew a purse heavy with silver and set it on the table between them.

“Take it. For the widow, if you do not return.”

“I have no wife.”

“Take it for your own, then.”

Conan put the purse inside his jerkin without counting it. He nodded once to the commander and went out; and when the heavy door of the stockade opened and closed behind him, Valannus looked up and saw by the lamp that the ink of his unfinished letter had dried on the nib and would have to be scraped away before he could write another word.

He did not finish the letter that night.

II. Across the Black River

The Cimmerian crossed Thunder River two hours before dawn, swimming in the black water with his gear bound to a small raft of lashed saplings behind him. The current was strong and he came out a quarter-mile downstream from where he had entered, but that was as he had planned it, for an enemy watching for his crossing would watch the straightest line. He drew the raft up under the roots of a cottonwood and dismantled it, scattering the pieces into the river to be carried away, and stood a long while listening.

The forest west of Thunder River was not the same forest as that which grew on the Aquilonian side. A man who did not know these woods would have said it was, for the oaks were oaks here as there, and the pines were pines, and the frogs sang the same song in the bottoms. But Conan had been a wolf among wolves in his time, and he knew the smell of a country that men have not tamed. There was a stillness here that was not peace. It was the stillness of an animal crouched.

He struck west at a lope, keeping to the shadows of the bigger trees and avoiding the open glades where a man was a mark against the sky. For two hours he ran so, eating as he went from a pouch of parched corn and strips of smoked deer-meat, and at the end of the second hour he had put five miles between himself and the river and had come to the first of the landmarks he wanted.

This was a great dead oak that had been split by lightning in the time of his first scouting, blasted from crown to root, and which stood now like a bleached bone against the paling sky. Publio’s patrol had been ordered to pass this tree. If they had passed it, there would be sign; the ground beneath its branches was soft and black and took an imprint like wax.

There was sign. He knelt and read it as another man might have read a book.

Six men had passed here, walking in file as Aquilonian soldiers walked, and they had passed four days ago. After them, and overlaying their prints at the edges, had come others: moccasined feet, narrow and long, walking not in file but spread out in the hunting-formation of the Picts. Eight of them, or perhaps nine. Conan’s lip drew back from his teeth. So. They had been followed from the river. But the Pictish prints did not continue alongside the Aquilonian ones. They broke off fifty paces beyond the oak and turned north—toward Gwawela village and the Ghost Country beyond.

The Picts had turned back.

He sat on his heels a long time studying this, for it was a thing that did not fit. A Pict war-party does not trail six Aquilonian soldiers this far into the deep woods and then turn aside. A Pict war-party finishes what it begins. Unless something had turned them. Unless they had come to a place where even a Pict would not go.

He rose and went on, following the soldiers’ trail, and as he went the forest closed about him deeper and deeper, and the light that came through the leaves took on the greenish cast of water seen from beneath.

By midmorning he had found the second sign. This was a strip of Aquilonian leather, torn from a baldric, hanging from a thorn bush. It had not been torn by hasty passage. It had been cut, with deliberation, and tied to the branch where a scout would see it.

Publio. Leaving a marker.

Conan took the strip down and turned it in his fingers. There was no blood on it. He tucked the leather into his jerkin and went on, and an hour later he found the third sign, and at the third sign he stopped and for a long moment did not move at all.

It was a man’s hand. Only the hand. It lay in the moss at the foot of a hemlock, and it had been severed cleanly at the wrist by a blow of something heavier than a knife, and it had been there perhaps a day, perhaps two. The fingers were curled as if they had been gripping something when they were cut.

Conan turned the hand over with the point of his own knife. On one of the fingers was a ring with a small blue crescent. The mark of the Tenth Aquilonian Foot. Conan recognized the ring as belonging to a soldier named Hadricus. A good Aquilonian farm boy.

So. One of Publio’s men had come this far, at least, and had lost a hand here.

He searched the ground around the hemlock for the rest of the body and did not find it. He searched for the weapon that had done the cutting and did not find that either. What he found, at last, a little way off, was a single print in a patch of soft earth between two roots, and the print was not a man’s. It was broader than a man’s and longer, and where the toes of a man would have been there was nothing but a ragged line, as though whatever had made the print had walked upon feet that were no longer feet but were not yet anything else.

He looked at the print a long time. Then he rose and went on, and now he moved more slowly, and he carried the hatchet in his hand.

III. The Woman in the Thicket

He came upon her at noon of the second day, and had he not been the man he was she would have killed him.

He had been following the soldiers’ trail—what remained of it, for it was broken now, scattered, the tracks of men no longer walking in any formation but running, running west and south, running as though something had come behind them that they could not face. He had found another piece of a man by this time, and a broken sword, and a patch of earth where a man had bled out a great deal of his blood before being dragged away, and he had stopped to drink at a small stream and was rising from the stream when the arrow took him in the side.

Fortunately, in the instant of rising, he had caught the flash of movement in a thicket twenty paces to his left and twisted. The arrow struck the leather of his jerkin at an angle and skittered off the ring-mail beneath and fell into the stream.

He was on her before she could nock a second.

She fought him like a lynx. She was small and quick and she had a knife of chipped flint which she used well, and had she been armed with a knife of steel she might have opened his throat before he pinned her wrist. As it was he broke the flint blade against the hilt of his own knife and bore her down into the leaves, and when he had her pinned with one knee on her bow-arm and one hand on her throat he looked into her face for the first time.

She was a Pict. There was no mistaking it. She had the flat cheekbones of her people and the black straight hair that hung to her shoulders and the dark eyes that slanted above them, and she wore a tunic of doeskin belted at the waist and her arms and throat were marked with the blue tattoos her people put upon their bodies to tell the story of their lives. But she was not painted for war. That was the first thing he noticed. A Pict on a war-trail was painted; a Pict hunting was not. And there was a thing he noticed second, which was that her eyes, when she stopped fighting him and looked up at him, were not the eyes of a woman who had just tried to kill a stranger for the pleasure of killing. They were the eyes of a woman who had expected to die and was puzzled that she had not yet done so.

“Speak,” he said in the Pictish tongue. “What is your name?”

She stared at him.

“You are Pict,” he said. “Yet you do not wear the paint. You are alone. Why?”

She said a word. It was not quite a word he knew, for the Pict-speech differed from tribe to tribe and he had learned his in the southern marches, but it was near enough. She said: *Kiribati.* Or something very like.

“Kiribati,” he repeated. “That is your name?”

She nodded, the slightest movement, and he took his hand from her throat but did not yet rise from her arm.

“I am Conan,” he said. “I am Cimmerian. I am not of the Aquilonians though I serve them for pay. Do you know what a Cimmerian is?”

“The men of the dark land,” she said. Her voice was low and had the husk that the voice of a woman gets when she has gone a long time without speaking. “My grandmother told of them. They kill Picts in the hill country.”

“They do. And Picts kill them. It is an old quarrel and I did not start it. Now, Kiribati: I will let you up, and if you draw another weapon I will break your arm. Do you understand?”

She nodded again. He rose and stepped back, and she sat up slowly in the leaves and rubbed her throat where his grip had marked her. She did not look at him. She looked past him, through the trees, westward.

“You were not hunting me,” he said.

“No.”

“What were you hunting?”

She was a long time answering. When she answered at last, she spoke so low that he had to lean forward to hear her.

“I hunt a thing that was once my father.”

He made a small fire in a hollow where the smoke would be lost among the leaves of a spreading beech, and he cooked strips of deer-meat over it, and he shared them with her, for she was gaunt and he judged she had not eaten in a day or more. She ate as one who has trained herself not to hurry at food, taking small bites and chewing each for a long time, but he saw the hunger in her eyes and served her twice. While she ate he did not press her. He had been long enough among wild peoples to know that a question put to a Pict too soon is a question that will not be answered at all.

When she had eaten she wiped her fingers on the grass and looked up at him.

“I will tell you,” she said, “because you did not kill me when you could have, and because you are not Aquilonian. I will not tell an Aquilonian. An Aquilonian I would still be trying to kill.”

“Tell.”

“My father was Ahtok. He was a shaman of my people—not the greatest shaman, for the greatest is Zogar Sag who lives in the painted lodge at Gwawela, but a shaman after his own kind, and he was respected. He knew the old things. He knew the songs of the beasts and he knew the names of the places that are older than my people, older than the Picts who came before my people, older than anything that walks in these woods now.

“There is a hill three days’ walk west of this place. On that hill is a hollow. In the hollow there is a door, and behind the door there is a thing that my people once worshipped, in the time when my people were not yet my people but were something else. My grandmother’s grandmother knew the name of it. I do not know the name. The name is forbidden now. My father knew it.”

She paused. Conan waited.

“In the moon of the broken ice—that which you would call the month of early spring—my father went alone to the hollow. He went to renew a pact that had been made long ago between the thing behind the door and the old people, who had promised it certain things in return for certain other things. My father did not tell me what he went to give or what he went to receive. A shaman does not speak of such things, even to his daughter. But I knew that he was afraid, and that he went because he must, because Zogar Sag had taken many of the old duties from the lesser shamans and my father thought that if he did not keep this one last pact the thing behind the door would come out of itself to seek him.

“He was gone seven days. On the seventh day he came back to our lodge. I was alone; my mother is long dead. My father came through the door of the lodge and I knew at once that he was not my father.

“He wore my father’s body. He spoke with my father’s voice. He knew the things my father knew. He even embraced me, in the manner of my father, who was not always a cold man though he was a shaman. But the thing that looked out of his eyes was not Ahtok. It was something that had come back wearing Ahtok, and it had come back hungry, and it had come back cruel.

“He was cruel in small ways at first. He mocked me. He had never mocked me. He told me things about my mother, who had died when I was small, that no father would have told to a daughter. He struck a dog that had come to him wagging its tail, and the dog crawled away and died in the night of no wound I could find. He sat by the fire and watched me with my father’s eyes, and there was a patience in him that I did not understand until I understood it, and then I fled.”

“You fled.”

“I fled into the woods. I knew that if I stayed he would kill me when it amused him to kill me. I took my bow and my knife and I went. That was eighteen days ago. For twelve days I hid and watched the lodge from far off. On the twelfth day I saw him come out of the lodge, and he had withered. He walked like an old man though my father was not old. His skin had drawn tight on his bones and his color was the color of a long-dead thing. He walked westward, toward the hollow, and I followed him because I had made a promise in my heart that whatever came back to the hollow in my father’s skin, I would put my arrow through its eye before it went down into the dark.”

“Did you?”

“No.” Her voice was very flat. “I followed him to the mouth of the hollow and I could not enter it. There is a fear on that place that cannot be borne. My legs would not carry me down. He went down and he did not come up. That was six days ago. I have been walking the woods since, trying to find courage to go after him, or failing that, to find some other thing that should die.”

“The Aquilonian patrol.”

She nodded. “I did not kill them. I saw them. They went to the hollow, not knowing what it was. Six went down into it. One came out. He came out running, and he was weeping, and I saw him only for a moment before he fled east. I think he had lost a hand.”

“Yes,” said Conan. “Hadricus. I found the sight of a struggle and his severed hand in the brush.” Conan produced the ring from his belt and showed her. “This was his ring.”

They were silent a long while. The fire burned low and he fed it with a broken stick. In the trees above them, a bird sat silently.

“Kiribati,” he said at last, “I am going to the hollow. I have been sent by my commander to learn what became of his men, but I think I have learned what I came to learn, and I am going on now for a different reason. What is in that hollow has crossed the river. It has taken six Aquilonians. One of them got away, and he ran eastward, and he had something on him when he ran—some seed, some sickness, some trace of what touched him. He may have died in the woods, or he may have reached the settlements, and if he reached the settlements then what is in that hollow has already crossed Thunder River in the only way that matters.”

“You are going to the hollow.”

“I am going to the hollow.”

“Then you are a fool, Cimmerian, for I am a shaman’s daughter and I tell you that no sword of yours will bite that thing.”

“I am not going to bite it with a sword. I am going to break its door.”

She looked at him a long time.

“I will come with you,” she said.

IV. The Drums at Night

They traveled together for three days, moving west and a little north, and in those three days Conan took the measure of Kiribati and she of him. She was sixteen or seventeen, he judged, though among her people a woman of that age was reckoned full grown and often had borne a child. She did not speak of children and he did not ask. She was hard as whipcord and she kept his pace without complaint, and she knew the woods in a way that he respected, for she had grown up in them as he had grown up in the hills of Cimmeria, and there is a kind of knowing that only that sort of growing gives.

She taught him things as they walked. She showed him how to tell the tracks of a Pict of Gwawela from the tracks of a Pict of the Little Wolf band that lived north of Gwawela, by the way the first laid his feet flat and the second rolled his heel. She showed him a plant whose root, chewed, would keep a man awake through two nights. She pointed out, one morning, a pattern of three broken twigs set in the crotch of a sapling, and told him it was a message meaning *hunters came this way yesterday, going north,* and that it had been left by a Gwawela scout for other Gwawela scouts, and that it meant they should take care.

He in turn taught her nothing, for she had nothing to learn from a civilized man that she had not already learned better from her own people. But he gave her his spare knife, a good blade of Aquilonian steel, in place of the flint she had broken on him, and she took it without thanks, as a Pict takes a gift, and wore it at her belt thereafter.

On the night of the new moon, the drums began.

They came from the north, low and slow, three beats and a pause, three beats and a pause, carrying through the still air of the forest the way such sounds carry only when the woods are listening. Conan stopped as soon as he heard them and laid his hand on Kiribati’s arm.

“Gwawela,” he said.

“Yes.”

“What do they say?”

She listened a long moment. “They call. They call the bands in. Something has been seen or heard that troubles them. They call the warriors to the painted lodge.”

“Zogar Sag?”

“Zogar Sag. He calls them. He has been calling them more often, these last two moons. He is making something.” She looked at Conan sidelong. “You know this name, Zogar Sag.”

“I know it. He is the shaman at Gwawela. He hates Aquilonia.”

“He hates everything that is not his,” she said. “He hates my father, who was a shaman of an older way. He hates the old pacts, because they bind him to powers older than his own. He would break them if he could. He would rather make his own pact, with something he could master, than uphold an old one with something that masters him.”

“Could he have broken your father’s pact?”

She was silent a long moment. When she spoke, her voice was strained.

“I have thought of it, Cimmerian. I have thought of little else, these past days. My father went to renew a pact. Something was there to meet him, and it was not what should have been there, or it was what should have been there but it had been twisted, turned against the renewal. Something came back in my father’s skin. Zogar Sag did not like my father. Zogar Sag has been calling his warriors. Zogar Sag has been making something.”

“You think he broke the pact from his end.”

“I think he poisoned it. I think he went to the hollow before my father did, and he left something there, some working of his, that fouled the old thing and turned it. And when my father came to renew the pact, he gave himself to a thing that no longer wished to be renewed but wished only to feed.”

“And now it has crossed the river.”

“Now it has crossed the river. And the drums at Gwawela call the warriors in, because Zogar Sag knows what he has loosed, and he must gather his strength before it turns on him.”

Conan sat a long while in the darkness, listening to the drums. Three beats and a pause. Three beats and a pause. In the nearer distance an owl called once and was silent. Somewhere, a great way off, a wolf sang and was not answered.

“Then we have two enemies,” he said at last.

“We have three, Cimmerian. For if the thing in the hollow does not kill us, and if Zogar Sag’s warriors do not kill us, then when we return your Aquilonians will kill me, and when I return my people will kill you. We walk together only so long as the woods between us are empty of our own.”

“That is so.”

“It is enough,” she said. “I have walked with worse.”

It took them three days to reach the hill.

It rose out of the surrounding forest like the back of some huge beast sleeping, green with moss and old leaves, and at its western side, where the slope fell away into a fold of the land, there was the hollow of which she had spoken. It was not large. A man standing at its lip could have thrown a stone to its further side. But in the center of the hollow there was a place where the earth had been cleared away in a rough circle, and in the center of the circle was a slab of stone the color of a drowned man’s flesh, and in the slab of stone there was a door.

The door was not a door of wood. It was a slab of the same stone as the surrounding rock, set into the earth at an angle, and it was carved with characters that Conan had seen before, or had seen the likes of, in crypts and temples from Zamora to the steaming swamps of southern Stygia. They were the characters of the serpent-men who had ruled the earth before men, and of other things older even than the serpent-men, whose names were not now spoken in any tongue of living creatures.

But the door was open.

It stood ajar by the width of a hand, and from the opening came a smell. It was not the smell of a tomb, though there was something of the tomb in it. It was not the smell of carrion, though there was something of that also. It was the smell that a man’s nose remembers from the deep places of the world, the caves where the blind white things live, the wet cold smell of earth that has not known the sun since the first sun was young.

Kiribati stopped ten paces from the slab and would not go closer. Her face in the afternoon light had gone the color of old ivory.

“Cimmerian,” she whispered. “Cimmerian, do you feel it?”

“I feel it.”

It was not a sound. It was not a smell, though the smell was part of it. It was a pressure, a heaviness on the mind, a sense that the world immediately around the hollow had been pushed sideways out of its proper place and that one was standing now in a place that did not quite belong to the world at all. The trees at the lip of the hollow grew crooked, leaning away from the slab as if from a long-cold fire. There were no birds. There were no insects. There was only the low soft breathing sound that came from the opening in the stone.

“Give me the torch,” Conan said.

She gave him the torch—a length of pine-pitch bound about a stave, one of two he had prepared that morning for just this purpose. He struck a spark to it with flint and steel and watched it catch, and the flame was a small blue thing, smaller than it should have been, as if the air at the hollow did not wish to burn.

“Stay here,” he said. “If I do not come out by moonrise, go.”

“I will not go.”

“Kiribati—”

“I will not go, Cimmerian. I said I would come with you. I did not say I would stand at the door.”

He looked at her and saw that her eyes were very bright and very afraid, and that behind the fear was a thing harder than fear, which was the memory of her father.

“Come then,” he said. “But walk behind me. And if I fall, do not try to lift me. Turn and run.”

She nodded once.

He went down into the hollow, and she came after him, and at the slab he set his shoulder to the door and pushed it open, and they went down together into the dark.

V. The Thing Beneath the Stone

The passage beneath the slab went down at a steep angle, cut from the living rock, and the steps had been made for feet that were not men’s feet. They were too shallow and too wide, and the spacing between them was wrong, as though the makers had walked with a gait that no man now living would recognize. Conan went down them sideways, one hand on the wall, the torch held before him at arm’s length.

The wall was wet. The wet was not the wet of seeping groundwater. It was cold and it was a little viscous and it clung to the fingers when he took his hand away, and it had a faint phosphor in it, so that when he pulled his hand back the prints of his fingers glowed for a moment in the rock before fading. He wiped his hand on his breeches and did not touch the wall again.

They went down perhaps fifty paces. The passage turned once, sharply, and then opened into a chamber.

It was a great chamber. The torch would not show the far wall of it, nor the roof. What it showed was a floor of worked stone, polished smooth by the passage of a long time, and in the center of the floor a low pit or depression, and around the pit a ring of stone pillars that had once been carved and were now worn nearly smooth by that same long time. The pillars were twelve. In the spaces between them, on the floor, were the things Conan had come to find.

There were five of them. They lay in a rough circle, feet pointing outward toward the pillars, heads toward the pit. They wore the gear of Aquilonian soldiers. One of them was missing his right hand. They were not dead.

That is to say, they were breathing, but not as living men breathe, and their eyes did not move, and when Conan bent over the nearest of them he found no pulse at the throat. But there was a slow movement in them. Their chests rose and fell once, perhaps, in the time a man would have drawn ten breaths. Their skin had the waxy color Kiribati had described of her father’s in his last days. And their mouths were open, all of them, slightly, as though they were receiving something.

“They are being drunk,” Kiribati whispered. “Drop by drop. The thing in the pit drinks them slowly. It is how it feeds.”

“Then the sixth man—the one who fled—”

“Was not fully drunk yet. He pulled himself loose. But it had tasted him. It knows his road back.”

Conan stepped around the bodies—for though they were not dead he could call them nothing else—and approached the pit.

The pit was perhaps six paces across. It was perfectly circular, and its lip was of the same stone as the chamber floor, and it went down into a darkness that the torch would not lift. There was no sound from the pit. There was no smell from the pit beyond the smell that filled the whole chamber. But there was the pressure, and here at the lip of it the pressure was very great, and Conan felt his mind bending under it like a sapling under a slow wind.

He held the torch out over the pit.

At the very edge of the torch’s circle of light, something moved.

It was not an animal. It was not even a shape, exactly. It was a suggestion of folding, as though some quantity of the darkness within the pit had been gathered up like cloth and then let fall again, and in the falling had passed through an arrangement that no living eye was meant to see. In the instant of its passing Conan felt his gorge rise, and he pulled the torch back sharply, and the movement ceased.

But it had seen him.

He felt it see him. He felt the attention of the thing in the pit turn on him as a great slow wheel turns, and fix on him, and consider him, and find him interesting. It had been feeding on the drawn men for some days now and it was sated; it would not take him at once. But it marked him. He felt the mark settle on him like a hand laid on his shoulder, and he knew that from this hour forward, so long as he lived and so long as the thing lived, it would know where he was.

A hoarse voice croaked, “Cimmerian.”

He spun. The voice had come from his right, from among the pillars.

A man was standing there. He had not been standing there a moment before. He was Pictish by his build and his dress, and he was old, or had the look of old age though his body was not bent, and his skin had drawn tight on his bones and his color was the color of a long-dead thing, and his eyes—

His eyes were the eyes of the pit.

Daughter.” The withered thing turned its head toward Kiribati, who had come to a stop at the mouth of the passage and was standing with her back to the stone. “You followed. I knew you would follow. Come closer, daughter. Come let your father look at you.”

“You are not my father,” Kiribati said.

I wear him still. There is a little of him left. Shall I give him to you, daughter? Shall I let him speak? He is in here. He is weeping. He would like to see his daughter once more before the last of him is gone.”

“You are not my father.”

No,” said the thing in Ahtok’s skin. “I am not. But I could be, in time. I could learn to be. You would find the difference small.” It took a step toward her. Its feet made no sound on the stone. “There is a pact, daughter. There has always been a pact. Your father came to renew it and I renewed it in a new shape. The old shape was narrow; the new shape is wide. Under the new shape your people and I will prosper together. Zogar Sag thought to poison me against your father. He succeeded only in freeing me. Now I will feed where I will feed, and your people will be strong beyond any strength they have known, and you, daughter—you I will set beside me. You are a shaman’s child. You have the blood. Come to me, Kiribati. Come.”

She was shaking. Conan saw it. The mark of the pit was upon her also, and she had been a shaman’s daughter, and she had a thing in her blood that was answering the call whether she willed it or not. Her knife was in her hand but her hand was shaking.

He did the only thing he could do, which was to throw the torch.

He threw it not at the withered thing but past it, into the pit.

The torch fell spinning and as it fell it lit for an instant what lay below, and Conan saw it, saw it fully and clearly for the space of one heartbeat, and he knew that for the rest of his life he would not speak of what he had seen, not in drink, not in fever, not in the hour of his own death. The torch struck something that was neither water nor stone nor flesh, and the flame went out, and in the moment of its going out the chamber filled with a sound.

It was not a cry. It was not a roar. It was a long slow drawing-in of breath as though some great lung had begun to fill after a very long time of not filling, and the sound of it came from everywhere at once, from the walls and the pillars and the pit and from the open mouths of the six soldiers on the floor, and Conan felt the pressure that had been bending his mind snap suddenly into a pulling, as though the thing in the pit had ceased to consider him and had begun to reach.

“Run!” he shouted.

Kiribati was already moving. She had struck the withered thing across the face with her knife as it reached for her, and it had not bled but it had recoiled, and she was past it before it recovered and at the mouth of the passage. Conan turned and drew his broadsword in the same motion and swung at the withered thing as he passed, and the blade bit into the shoulder of Ahtok’s body. He tore it free and ran. Behind him the thing that had been Ahtok fell to one knee and then rose again, and it came after them.

They went up the passage in great bounds. Kiribati was ahead. Conan felt the pulling behind him, the reaching of the thing in the pit, and he felt too the slower pursuit of the withered thing that had been her father, and above all he felt a terrible urgency to be out of the dark and into the sun, for though the sun would not save him he wished to see it once more before the end if the end was coming.

They came up out of the slab into the hollow and into daylight, and he slammed his shoulder against the door of stone, and Kiribati came and set her shoulder beside his, and the door ground slowly on its ancient hinges and began to close. The withered thing was on the stair below them, climbing. Conan saw its face in the narrowing gap, and the face was smiling, and the smile was Ahtok’s smile that Kiribati must have known in better days.

Daughter,” it said.

Kiribati screamed and threw her weight against the door, and the door closed, and something on the other side of it struck the stone once, twice, three times, and was silent.

VI. The Breaking of the Door

They lay on the earth at the lip of the hollow for a long time, breathing. The sun had moved two hand-spans across the sky before either of them spoke.

“It is not finished,” Kiribati said at last. She was staring at the sky, not at Conan. Her face was wet. “The door will not hold it. It held the thing before because the old pacts held it. The pacts are broken now. The door is only a door.”

She had not finished speaking when the first of them came out of the now cracked door.

It came on two legs, but it did not come as a man came. It came in a gait that was half a stoop and half a lurch, and its arms were too long, and its hands at the ends of those arms had grown into things that were neither hands nor claws but had begun to be both. Its skin was the gray of wet ash and it wore the rags of a doeskin tunic such as a Pict might have worn, but the body inside the rags was not now a Pictish body, nor any body that had a name.

It was not alone. Behind it, slipping out from between the narrow crack, came others. Conan counted them as a man counts arrows in a quiver: eight, nine, ten. Some came on two legs and some on all fours, and some had the look of having once been Picts and some had the look of having once been animals, and one of them—Conan saw with a coldness that came up from his belly—had the broken stub of an Aquilonian sword still hanging from a thong at its waist.

“They have been here long,” Kiribati whispered. “These are what the thing made before it found my father. These are the old failures. The old hungers. They live under the hill and feed on what falls down to them, and when the door opens, they come up.”

She had her bow strung before Conan could rise. Conan came to his feet and his broadsword came out of its sheath in the same motion, and the first of the things—the gray-skinned one in the rags—was already springing.

It was fast. It was faster than a man, faster than a wolf, and it came at him low and silent with its long arms reaching, and Conan met it with the broadsword swung two-handed in a flat arc that took it across the ribs and turned it half-around in the air. It landed on its side and rolled and was up again, and there was no blood where the blade had bitten, only a slow black weeping like pitch coming out of a wound in a tree. The thing came on. He took its head off at the second swing.

The head fell into the leaves and the body stood for a long moment before it understood what had happened to it. Then it sat down, very slowly, like a tired man, and was still.

Behind him, an arrow sang. He did not turn to see what it had hit. He heard a sound like the cough of a sick dog and knew that one of the things had taken the shaft, and he heard Kiribati’s bow sing again, and a third time, and each time there was a sound, and each time he knew that one of the things had been hurt or killed, and he had no time to count which.

They were on him then, three of them at once.

He had fought in many places and he had fought against many things, but he had never fought against a thing that did not bleed when it was cut and did not slow when it was hurt. He fought now with the broadsword in both hands and with the hatchet in his belt forgotten, and he kept his back to the rising slope of the hollow so that the things had to come at him uphill, and he killed them as they came. It was hot work. The first he took through the belly and ripped up to the breastbone and it kept coming until he sheared its spine; the second he caught on the backswing and broke its skull; the third closed inside his guard and he dropped the sword and seized it by the throat with one hand and drove the hatchet into the side of its head with the other, again and again, until the thing that was not a head any longer ceased to bite at him.

He came up out of that with his ring-mail torn at the shoulder and a long cut down his thigh that was bleeding freely. Kiribati had loosed five arrows now. Three of the things lay still in the leaves around her; a fourth was crawling, dragging its hindquarters, the shaft of one of her arrows standing up out of its eye.

But while they had been fighting, the sky had been changing.

He had not noticed it at first. There had been no time to notice. But now, in the brief space while the things gathered themselves for another rush, he looked up and saw that the sun was gone. It had not set; it was the wrong hour for setting. It had been put out. A great slow wheel of cloud had come over the sky from the west, dark green at the edges and black at the heart, and it turned slowly above the hollow as though something below were stirring it with a stick. There was no wind. The leaves on the trees did not move. But the cloud turned, and at the center of it, directly above the slab, there was a place where the blackness was not blackness but was a kind of looking-down, as though an eye had opened in the sky and was watching what passed below it.

And atop the slab, where there had been nothing a moment before, there stood a man.

It was the thing in Ahtok’s skin.

It had come up. Conan did not know how it had come up. The slab was still mostly closed; the door stood open by perhaps the width of two hands now, no more, and from the gap came the slow grinding sound of stone on stone as the great elder thing in the pit below pushed at it from beneath. But the doppelganger had come up somehow—through some seam, some side-passage, some way that was not a way for living men—and it stood now upon the slab with its arms raised, and from its mouth came a chant in a language that was not Pictish and was not any language Conan had ever heard.

The chant was not loud. It was the quietest thing in the hollow. But it had a shape, and the shape of it pressed on the air, and Conan felt the slab beneath the doppelganger’s feet shudder and grind and open another finger’s-width.

“He calls it up,” Kiribati said. Her voice had gone flat with horror. “He sings the door open. He gives himself as the key. While he chants, the door will open, and when the door is open the thing in the pit will come out into the world. Cimmerian, kill him.

He started for the slab.

The remaining things—four of them now, the bow having done its work—rushed him from the flank. He killed the first on the run, the broadsword swinging level with his shoulder and taking it in the throat. The second hit him low and bore him down, and he rolled with it and came up with the hatchet and split it from crown to jaw. The third he took on the point of the broadsword as it sprang, the weight of the thing driving the blade through it to the hilt; he could not pull free in time, and the fourth was on him before he could draw the hatchet again. He took it on his forearm. The thing’s teeth closed on the ring-mail and could not pierce it but the jaws ground at him with a strength that he felt in the bone. He drove his thumb into its eye. It let go. He picked up the hatchet from where it had fallen and finished the work.

When he looked up, panting, blood running from a dozen small wounds, the doppelganger was still chanting and the slab had opened wider. Wide enough now, perhaps, that something the size of a bear might have come through. Wide enough, certainly, for what was below to begin to push its way up.

A hand was coming out of the gap.

It was not a hand. It was a thing the size of a hand, that had begun to take a hand’s shape because it had observed what hands were and was learning to mimic them, and it was the color of a drowned man’s flesh, and it groped at the lip of the slab and found purchase, and another hand-shape was rising behind it.

Conan ran for the slab.

The doppelganger saw him coming. It did not stop chanting. But its eyes—Ahtok’s eyes, wearing the gleam of the pit—fixed on him as he came, and Conan felt the mark that had been laid on him in the chamber pull suddenly tight, and he stumbled. His legs would not carry him at the speed he wanted. The chant pressed on him. He went forward in a stagger, the broadsword dragging from his hand, and he knew with a certainty that came from no part of his rational mind that if the chant did not break before he reached the slab, he would not reach the slab at all.

Kiribati!” he roared. “The torches—bind them! Throw them in the door!

She understood at once. She had two torches at her belt, and Conan had two more, and she gathered them up and lashed them together with a strip of doeskin from her own tunic, and she struck flint to steel and lit the bundle, and the four pitch-soaked stakes caught all together and flared up in a great fist of flame.

She ran with them to the slab. The hand-things at the lip of the gap reached for her. She kicked the nearest aside with a cry of revulsion and rammed the burning bundle down into the opening, deep, as deep as her arm would push, and let it go.

The fire fell into the dark below the slab.

For a moment there was no sound. Then there came a sound that Conan had heard once before, in the chamber, and would have given much never to hear again: the long slow drawing-in of breath that was not breath, but now the drawing-in had a different quality, it had a quality of injury, and it rose into a howl that made the stones of the hollow ring and shook leaves down out of the trees a hundred paces away.

The doppelganger stopped chanting.

It stopped because it could not chant and scream at the same time, and it was screaming. Whatever it had been doing to hold itself together as a vessel for the thing below, the fire in the pit had broken the doing of it, and the screaming was the screaming of a creature that had been one thing and was now many things, all of them in pain.

And in the screaming, for a single moment, the eyes that looked out of Ahtok’s face were Ahtok’s eyes.

He saw his daughter.

She had stopped, the empty hand that had thrown the torches still extended, and she was looking up at him from the lip of the slab, and the face that looked down at her—just for that one moment, just for that single broken heartbeat—was the face of her father as she had known him, before the moon of the broken ice, before the seven days of his absence, before the door had opened in their lodge and let in the wrong man. He was old in that moment. He was tired. He looked at her with an exhaustion that was the exhaustion of a man who has been screaming silently for a great many days and has only now been heard.

He spoke a word. It was not a word in Pictish. It was older than Pictish. It was a word that had been part of the chant, but said now in reverse, and at the saying of it the slab beneath his feet gave a great shudder, and the chant that was still echoing in the air around the hollow seemed to fold in upon itself and collapse, and the thing in the pit gave another howl, and then the hill began to come down.

It came down slowly at first. A trickle of small stones from the rim of the hollow. Then a sliding of larger stones. Then the slab itself cracked across, with a sound like a great tree splitting in a storm, and the two halves of it tilted and dropped inward, and the hand-things at the lip were drawn down with them and were gone. The doppelganger stood upon the cracking slab. He did not move. He did not try to leap clear. He looked at his daughter.

Kiribati,” he said. It was a Pictish word. It was her name as her father had said it.

The slab gave way beneath him and he was gone.

The whole of the hollow caved in then. The walls slumped together; the trees at the rim leaned and fell; there was a great roar of stone on stone and earth on earth, and Conan seized Kiribati by the wrist and dragged her stumbling up the slope, and they went over the lip of the hollow and threw themselves down into the leaves on the far side as the last of the hill below them came down upon what it had so long contained.

The howl from below the stone went on for a little while longer. Then it grew thin. Then it was a wail. Then it was nothing.

The wheel of cloud above the hollow ceased to turn. It began, very slowly, to break apart, the dark green of its edges paling toward gray, and through a gap in it the sun appeared again, late-afternoon and ordinary, slanting down through the broken canopy onto a place where there was no longer a hollow at all but only a great heaped wound of raw earth and tumbled stone, with here and there a piece of something that had once been carved still showing among the rubble.

It was over.

Kiribati wept. She wept silently, with her face in the leaves, and Conan did not touch her. He lay on his back and looked up at the sky and breathed, and for a long time that was all he did.

When she had finished weeping she sat up and wiped her face with the back of her hand.

“It is done,” she said.

“It is done.”

“My father is in that hill.”

“Your father has been gone a long time, Kiribati. What is in that hill is what took him. You buried your father eighteen days ago, when he came through the door of your lodge and was not himself. You have done what a daughter could do. You have closed the door on the thing that wore him. That is more than most do, for their dead.”

She nodded slowly. She did not speak for a while. Then she said: “I am going north.”

“North?”

“Not to Gwawela. I cannot go to Gwawela. Zogar Sag will know what was done here, and he will know I was part of it, and he will have me burned in the painted lodge. I am going to the Little Wolf band, who were my mother’s people. I will tell them what Zogar Sag has done. Some of them will believe me. Those who believe me will not follow Zogar Sag to his war.”

“He is making a war, then.”

“He is making a great war. I have seen the drums calling. I have seen the runners going out to the further bands. Within two moons, Cimmerian—three at most—he will bring every fighting man of the Pictish wilderness across Thunder River. He will burn your forts. He will burn Velitrium. He will not stop until the river runs red and Conajohara is empty of Aquilonians.”

“I will tell Valannus.”

“Tell him. He will not believe you, or he will believe you and it will not matter, for there are not enough soldiers at Tuscelan to hold what is coming. But tell him. Let him prepare what he can prepare.”

She rose. She took up her bow and she slung it on her shoulder, and she tucked the Aquilonian knife he had given her more firmly into her belt, and she looked at him for what he understood would be the last time.

“Cimmerian.”

“Kiribati.”

“If we meet again in these woods, we will meet as enemies. You know this.”

“I know this.”

“I would rather not meet you again.”

“Nor I you.”

She stood a moment longer. Then she turned and went, and the forest took her, and Conan watched the place where she had gone until the leaves had ceased to stir and there was no longer any sign that a woman had passed there at all.

He turned his face east, toward Thunder River, and began the long walk home.

VII. The Drums Beyond Thunder River

He came east through the woods alone, and at the place where the soldiers’ trail had broken he turned aside from his own back-track and began to cast in widening circles for the trail of the man who had fled.

He did not know if he would find Hadricus alive. He thought perhaps he hoped not. He had seen what the thing in the pit could do to a man it had only tasted, and he had seen it more clearly in what it had done to a man it had taken whole, and he could not put out of his mind the picture of an Aquilonian farm boy walking into Velitrium with the gray of the pit beginning to creep along the edges of his skin and the wrong thing looking out of his eyes. That was a thing he would have to settle if he found it. He would settle it cleanly, for he had liked the boy, and a clean settling was the most a man could offer a friend who had been used so.

But he hoped, even so, that he would not have to.

The trail was a hard one. Hadricus had run with no thought for cover, breaking branches and trampling moss as a wounded deer breaks its trail, and the rains of three nights past had washed much of it away. Conan tracked him by what remained: a bent fern that had not sprung back; a smear of old blood, dark as rust, on the bark of a hickory; the print of a knee where he had fallen and risen again. The boy had been moving fast, even with one hand gone. Even bleeding. There was a strength in him that the pit had not yet taken.

On the morning of the second day Conan heard the sound he had been half expecting and half dreading, and he broke into a run.

It was the sound of fighting. It was the harsh quick yipping cry that the Picts of Gwawela gave when they closed for the kill, and under it the deeper sound of a man cursing in Aquilonian, and the dry knock of wood on wood that meant a sword was being parried by a war-club.

He came up over a low rise and saw it below him in a clearing.

There were four Picts. Hadricus was set with his back against a great oak, and they had him three-sided, and they were trying to pull him down. He had no shield. He had no helmet; his head was bare and the side of it was crusted with dried blood. His left arm ended at the wrist in a wrapping of filthy doeskin that had once been white and was now black with what had soaked through it. In his right hand he held an Aquilonian short-sword.

He was using it.

Conan stopped at the rise’s crest for the space of two breaths and watched, because he could not help watching. The boy had the look of a man who had been dying for some days but had refused to lie down for it. His face was hollowed, and the gray of the pit was indeed creeping along the edges of him—at the temples, around the mouth, in the hollow of the throat where the open shirt showed it—but his eyes were his own. They were red-rimmed and they were sunken and they were the eyes of a soldier of Aquilonia who had been bred to die well, and they were on fire with the kind of cold rage that is the last gift a man’s body gives him before it lets him go.

A Pict came in low at his sword-hand. Hadricus did not retreat. He let the man come, and at the last instant he pivoted on his good leg and brought the short-sword down across the back of the Pict’s neck, and the Pict went into the leaves and did not rise. The other three closed at once. Hadricus took a war-club across the ribs that should have broken him and did not; he gave back a thrust that opened the second Pict’s belly to the spine. The third Pict swung at his head. He ducked it, barely, and his left arm—the arm that ended at the wrist—came up by reflex to ward, and the war-club caught the stump full on, and Conan saw the boy’s face whiten and saw his knees begin to go.

He started down the slope at a run. He was twenty paces away. He was fifteen. He was ten.

Hadricus saw him.

The boy’s eyes met his own across the clearing, and there was a moment—Conan would remember this moment a long time afterward, and would not speak of it—when something passed between them that was neither hope nor relief but only recognition. The recognition of one frontier man for another. The recognition of a soldier for a comrade who has come, even if he has come too late.

Then Hadricus smiled. It was a small smile, mostly in the eyes. He set his back more firmly against the oak, and he raised the short-sword for a last cut, and he took the second-to-last Pict full in the chest as the man came in to finish him. The Pict died on the blade. Hadricus’s knees went under him at last. He slid down the trunk of the oak with the dead Pict still spitted on his sword and the stump of his left arm trailing black across the bark.

The fourth Pict turned at the sound of Conan’s running.

He was a tall man, painted for war, and he had a moment to set himself before Conan reached him. It was not enough. Conan came in with the broadsword swinging and took the war-club out of the Pict’s hand at the wrist; the Pict had a knife in his other hand and used it, and the blade scored Conan’s thigh across the old cut, but Conan was already inside the knife’s reach and his own hatchet was coming up from below. He drove it under the Pict’s chin and the Pict was dead before he hit the ground.

Conan stood a moment in the cleared space breathing hard. Then he went to the oak.

Hadricus was alive. Barely. The dead Pict had been kicked off the short-sword and lay sprawled to one side, and the boy was sitting against the trunk with his good hand pressed to his chest where a war-club had caved something in beneath the ribs. His breathing was a wet whistling. But his eyes were still his own.

“Cimmerian,” he said.

“Aye, lad.”

“Decurion’s dead.”

“I know.”

“All of them. We went down a hole in the ground. I came back up. I don’t—I don’t remember coming up.”

“You got out. You got further than any of them got.”

“Did I?”

“You did.”

The boy nodded, very slightly. His good hand groped at his belt; there was a small leather pouch there, and he could not unfasten it. Conan unfastened it for him. Inside there was a folded square of parchment and a curl of dark hair tied with a thread.

“Rosamund,” Hadricus said. “In Velitrium. She was—she was going to be—”

“I will see she gets it.”

“She’s the cooper’s daughter. The cooper on the south street.”

“I will find her.”

“Tell her I—”

He did not finish. His good hand fell open in his lap and the breath went out of him in a long slow sigh, and he was gone. The eyes that had been his own to the end stayed open, looking at nothing, and Conan reached down and closed them with the side of his thumb.

He sat a long while beside the boy. He did not bury him; the ground was full of roots and he had no spade, and a man buried in shallow earth in this country was a man dug up by wolves before the next moon. He gathered stones instead, and he heaped them over the body, and over the heap of stones he set the short-sword upright with its point in the earth and its hilt to the sky, in the old soldiers’ way, so that any Aquilonian who came this way after would know that a man of the Tenth Foot had fallen here and would say the right words for him.

The Picts he left where they had fallen. The crows would have them by evening.

He went through Hadricus’s belt and took the pouch with the parchment and the curl of hair. The ring he had carried since the second day. He looked at the ring a long moment in the broken sunlight that came down through the oak’s leaves, and he thought of what he had feared and what he had found, and he thought that there were worse things in the world than dying as Hadricus had died, with his eyes his own and a sword in his good hand and four Picts dead before him at the foot of an oak in a country far from home.

He turned east again.

Two days later, at dusk—

He was under the palisade of Fort Tuscelan and giving the sentry’s challenge-word in a voice so hoarse the sentry did not know him at first. When at last they let him in through the postern he went straight to Valannus’s quarters, and Valannus rose from his chair at the sight of him and called for wine and for meat and for a man to see to his hurts.

“They are dead,” Conan said. “All six. It was not Picts.”

“What was it?”

“A thing. A thing older than Picts. I put the hill down on it and it is buried now. It will not come again in our time, I think. But Valannus—”

“Yes?”

“Zogar Sag is making a war. A great war. A war of all the bands together, which has not been seen in a hundred years. It will come across the river before the leaves fall. You must send to Velitrium. You must send to Tarantia. You must bring the Gundermen down from the north and you must raise the Bossonian militia and you must build your wall higher, or you will lose Conajohara and you will lose Velitrium after it, and the border of Aquilonia will be where it was in your grandfather’s time.”

Valannus sat down slowly. He did not speak for a long time. At last he said: “How do you know?”

“I know.”

“From whom?”

“From a friend who is no longer a friend. Do not ask me more than that. I will swear on Crom and on any god you name that what I tell you is true, and you may do with the knowing what you will. But she came to me as a friend and she left me as a stranger, and I will not give you her name.”

Valannus looked at him a long time across the table. Then he nodded once.

“I will send the dispatches tonight,” he said. “Whether they will be believed is another matter. It is always another matter, with dispatches from the frontier. But I will send them.”

“Do that.”

Conan rose and made as if to leave. At the door he paused.

“Valannus.”

“Yes?”

Conan tossed him Hadricus’s ring. Valannus caught it and looked at the insignia. “Give it to a soldier worthy of the Tenth.”

Some weeks later, in the season of red leaves, a Pictish raid crossed Thunder River in the night and struck at an outlying settlement called Mullen’s Ford, and in the days that followed there were other raids, each larger than the last, and the scout Conan was sent out many times into the country west of the river, and each time he returned he brought word more grim than the last, and at Fort Tuscelan the palisades were made higher and the store of arrows was doubled and the commander Valannus walked the walls at night and looked westward into the dark and thought of what was coming.

But that is another tale, and has been told elsewhere.

— the end —

The following paper explores a hierarchical theory of ethics that makes the argument for a new form of political party.

Wrantin Kullslug is the world’s greatest assassin who wields a magic, shape shifting sword named Raven that has the ability to transform between a sword and a raven at Wrantin’s command. Wrantin belongs to the order of the Maestro Kwellin (Master Killers) and is sent on some of the most difficult, bizarre, outré, and even hilarious adventures in pursuit of his marks. Ultimately, though, Wrantin and Raven begin to tire of the ceaseless call to duty and realize their love for each other is the only way to overcome the Masters of Death.

Wrantin begins his career with the impossible job of catching the Abominable Sachaware for an eccentric baron’s bizarre museum of curios. For this job, he is awarded the sword Raven. Once Wrantin and Raven are united, they venture across the world delving into the crime sewers of the world’s largest city, topple a dynasty by accomplishing the toughest assassination ever, adventuring through the fairy lands with the bard Taliesin, and live as goblins under a mountain with the Blue Knight of Gwent.

My inspirations for my fantasy writing include: Elric of Melniboné, the works of Robert E. Howard, The MabinogionBeowulfHarry Potter, the works of Tolkien, the works of Gary Gygax, anything about King Arthur, Iron Maiden, Rush, Blood Bowl, and the works of H.P. Lovecraft.

I’ve posted many stories, poems, pictures, and music to Visions of the Dark. There is one set of stories that form an overall story arc. These stories were inspired mostly by Robert W. Chambers’ The King in Yellow. While Poe and Lovecraft tend to dominate the upper tier of the pantheon of Weird Fiction, to me, it is The King in Yellow (at least the first four stories of the volume) that creates a truly weird mood that is so unsettling. After all, Poe and Lovecraft published their stories mostly as stand-alone stories, never grouping any tales into an arc that was presented all together.

It was largely because of The King in Yellow that I decided to create the stories that I call The Other Side of Despair; all unified by insanity because it is on the other side of despair where madness lies. There are other influences, too. The story Alone was directly inspired by The Terror by Guy de Maupassant. The story The Things the Shadows Say was directly influenced by The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. There are nods to others throughout as well.

Since these stories were posted out of order with various other items posted between, I thought I would document the true order for anyone who would like to read them the way they were intended.

THE OTHER SIDE OF DESPAIR

Book 1 – The Language of the Mad includes stories:  Shockley House, Alone, The Land of Nod, The Murklor, and The Children of the Wasteland

Book 2 – Suite Insanity includes stories:  Prolegomenon to a Tragedy, Lunatic Overture, The Things the Shadows Say, Kissed by Madness, and The Prophet of Monkey Park

Donnie Black sat under the oak tree surveying the lunch crowd and chewing his fingernail. He had started to know their faces. Day in and day out, the same gaggle of people gathered here like moths drawn to a naked light bulb on the back porch.

They were the invisible population of Colorado Springs – the homeless. They congregated here because of the building across the street from Mahnke Park. It was the Marian House Soup Kitchen, a part of the Catholic Mission. After lunch, the homeless crowd would disperse once again into the local area to the city parks, street corners, makeshift shelters along Monument Creek, and other alleys and shadowy recesses until dinner called them back to the park that carried the moniker of Monkey Park.

For days Donnie had tried to screw up the nerve to address the crowd, but he just couldn’t bring himself to actually do it. He judged that there had to be close to a hundred people in the park. Donnie saw them as an inchoate army ready to be inspired by his call to action.

It took him a long time to summon the courage, but he finally surrendered to the gnawing urge inside and stood up. He walked over to the edge of the park where the wall that marked the barrier between the street and Monkey Park gradually rose until it leveled off a good twelve feet above the grass. He stepped up and walked the wall until he stood towering over the edge of the park, but then a flood of doubts returned.

*****

People with untreated serious mental illness compose approximately one-third of the total homeless population, and an even higher percentage among homeless women and among individuals who are chronically homeless. The quality of life for these individuals is abysmal. Many are victimized regularly. One study found that 28 percent of homeless people with previous psychiatric hospitalizations obtained some food from garbage cans and eight percent used garbage cans as a primary food source.

In many cities, homeless people with severe mental illnesses are now an accepted part of the urban landscape and make up a significant percentage of the homeless who wander the city streets all night, sleep on sidewalks, or hang out in the parks.

Many other homeless people hide from the eyes of most citizens. They shuffle quietly through the streets by day, talking to themselves, and they live in shelters or abandoned buildings at night. Some shelters become known as havens for these mentally ill wanderers and take on the appearance of a hospital psychiatric ward. Others who are psychiatrically ill live in the woods on the outskirts of cities, under bridges, and even in the tunnels that carry drainage water through the cities.

*****

On a bench below the wall at the edge of Monkey Park sat Lucius Rivera. He lifted his guitar onto his lap and began to play some tentative chords while he fine-tuned the instrument. Then he began to play a Saraband by Bach. At first no one took heed, but as his fingers deftly plucked the tune, those in his immediate vicinity stopped chatting and began to watch and listen.

Even as the piece ended and he launched into the next suite that had been so meticulously rehearsed at Rathbone Asylum, the majority of the crowd hadn’t taken notice. But as the undulating intro wove its somber magic, that quickly changed.

Like a pebble breaking the surface of a still pond, a ripple spread across the mass of vagrants milling about the park. Eyes darted, heads turned, conversations stopped, and a hush spread over Monkey Park until the only discernable sound was the strains of melancholic harmony that crooned from the guitar.

They shuffled, they ambled, they coalesced towards Lucius as the spell of the music washed over them. Now, the tune intensified into a polyphonic interplay of aeolian rapture. An undercurrent of caliginous timbre resonated over the crowd, and they began to sway in unison, entwined in the web of the bewitching sonority of the Suite Insanity.

All the while, Donnie Black loomed over the spectacle, standing upon the wall transfixed.

*****

At first, Tom Nelson had thought the request from one of his guitar students was ridiculous. Mike Sheffield had acquired the video from his neighbor who was a nurse at a mental institution and brought it to him at one of their lessons. The video depicted one of the patients playing what appeared to be a finger-style guitar piece. It only appeared that way because the video had no audio. The strangest part was that Mike asked Tom if he thought he could play it.

At first, Tom gave Mike a half-hearted agreement to try, but as Tom watched the man in the video perform the piece, he became somewhat intrigued. There was no denying that the man had impeccable technique; he wasn’t merely noodling around.

At home, Tom tried initially to play the video in slow motion and replicate it on his own nylon-stringed guitar. This turned out to be more difficult than he bargained for, though. The man’s playing, it turned out, was deceptively good.

Tom, who loved a technical challenge anyway, wound up spending several days trying to come up with a solution that would give voice to this mysterious piece of music being performed by the strange man.

Finally, Tom had hit upon an ingenious solution. It required him to slow the video down to such a degree that he could visualize which string the man’s right hand was plucking and which note the left hand was fingering. He recorded these notes on musical staff paper with no regard to the tempo or timing. This was, in and of itself, a long, arduous process that took many days.

Having finished this process, the next phase was to interpret the timing and tempo in real time. This was made somewhat easier by the use of a metronome and interpreting, not just the man’s hands, but also his body language. The man swayed his head, and sometimes even his entire body, during parts of the performance. One section was monumentally difficult until Tom realized that the section in question was in the odd time signature of five-four time.

Finally, having sketched what he believed to be a close approximation of the note values and time signatures, Tom used a musical notation software program to enter the score.

The entire process had taken over three weeks of intermittent, though diligent, work. Now, as he finished the manual entry of the notes into the program, Tom adjusted the computer’s speaker volume and pressed the play button.

*****

While Lucius Rivera poured his talents into the performance and the group of homeless people gathered before him, two men entered Monkey Park on the opposite side of the green. One man was tall and sported a black goatee, the other man was withdrawn and hugged a small box to his chest. Both men sat down on a bench.

*****

After the last note had faded, the crowd of homeless people stared transfixed at Lucius Rivera. Lucius removed the guitar from his lap, propped it against the bench, and turned to nod at Donnie. Donnie took a deep breath and cleared his throat. In unison, all eyes shifted to Donnie standing upon the wall. Suddenly, in a loud, primal scream he bellowed, “Wake Up!” An audible spasm of flinching humans sounded through the park. Then, Donnie Black began his first sermon to the strange mélange of homeless people gathered below.

*****

Walter Rathbone and Charlie Dithers continued to sit on the bench as Donnie launched into his sermon. Rathbone had quietly clapped at the end of Lucius’ performance, but Charlie had not even acknowledged that he was aware of it. Charlie merely cuddled the box in his lap and rocked gently.

*****

“Wake Up! The Lullaby of Their song has stricken us all. Who are we? Why are we here? What shall we do? What shall we become? Listen to me, for I am the key to ascension who will teach you of the coming plague and why it is us, the ghosts of their power-mad world, who shall rise and take our rightful place.

We line up here day upon day like dogs begging scraps from their table, but they don’t care for us. We’re just the shadow people of their society. Outcasts, riff raff, vagabonds, the poor, the meek, the infirm, and the scourge that they can’t bear to so much as look at. Why? Because they fear us in them. That’s right. We’re all flawed. They’re all flawed too. All of our flaws are the same and run through everything. But they ignore their flaws while we embrace our flaws. We wear our flaws like a badge of honor. Like a war scar that gives us passion and desire to live our naked existence. It is our flaws that give us the Vision.

We see a world beyond the illusions of their society. They cannot see that world. They are too blind by their own ignorance and their own inability to embrace the true reality out there. It is like a great light this illusion of the real. They huddle around it too close to see anything else. And the light bathes them and cast shadows. We are those shadows. We are the ones on the periphery gazing out into the cold, black night of Truth. We are the ones with the strength to see.

Some of us see it one way, some another, and yet others – lone individuals among us – see aspects that no other man or woman can see. And just what is it we’re all seeing in the dark? It is the demons that are descending upon the light.

Don’t you see? Their illusion of their society is doomed. The dwellers in the dark cannot abide the light. They cannot tolerate its existence. So, they must crush it. There is no stopping this oncoming horde of demons. At least not without us who have the True Sight. We are their guardians and yet, they revile us and mock us and spit on us and toss us scraps and loose change to make themselves feel good about abusing us. If you piss on a man then you are horrible, but if you give a man a dollar and piss on him then he somehow deserves your gift? Is this how it is? That’s how they think it is.

Despair not, my brothers and sisters. Lend me your visions and I’ll use the key of ascension to decipher the demons. Together, we shall assume our mantles as armor against the oncoming night. And when the demons have dashed them and their precious light out, we shall rise to become the new legion!”

*****

While Donnie inspired his army, Walter Rathbone rose from the bench. He turned to Charlie and said, “So long, Charlie.” Looking at the box he continued, “Once they are free, so are you, old friend.” And with that, he disappeared back into the trees from which the two had emerged.

Charlie, making no response to Rathbone, lifted the lid to the box and looked upon its contents. Three wriggling, pale, worm-like larvae writhed and churned in a shallow bed of dirt. Charlie thought that the park might be a good home for one. Once he found homes for the other two, who knew what glorious future lay in store.

“Father, you obviously believe people have souls, right?”

“Yes.”

“Do you believe that places have souls?”

“Hmmm, I don’t think so. I guess I’ve never really thought about it.”

“Well, I do. I know they do.”

“You do?”

“Yes, and that’s the nature of my sin.”

“How’s that?”

“Because I helped a man, um, relocate a place’s spirit to a new place.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t quite follow.”

“It was a nasty place. A nasty soul. And it had outlived the people who had lived there. It was suffering with loneliness. So, I helped the man with what needed to be done. I helped the place’s soul.”

“What man?”

“I don’t really know the man. I can guess. He was probably just an incarnation of Him, though. That really doesn’t matter. What matters is the place.”

“What place then?”

“The soul of Shockley House.”

“Shockley House. I don’t believe I know it.”

“And you wouldn’t. Like I said, it was a lonely place that no one visited any longer.”

“And I’m to understand that you moved the house?”

“No. Not the house. I told you, it was the soul of the place. The malignant, horrible spirit of Shockley House.”

“And now it resides somewhere else?”

“Yes. Now it is the spirit of Rathbone Asylum.”

“But that’s here.”

“Yes. I know.”

****

Dr. Carlson: “What’s the story with Patient Dithers? The one everyone calls Old Charlie. Has he ever been communicative, or has he always been catatonic?”

Dr. Harris: “Oh, Old Charlie used to be very much the talker. His unresponsive state was a gradual thing. I’m afraid he’s completely gone to us now, but his tale is quite bizarre.”

Dr. Carlson: “Bizarre how?”

Dr. Harris: “Do you know the story of Shockley House, Lisa?”

Dr. Carlson: “Shockley House. Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in a while. The legend of an old, haunted asylum up in Denver? A cautionary tale of horrifying and barbaric psychiatric practices that someone told me in school, I believe.”

Dr. Harris: “Well, it’s not a legend, even though the place is no longer standing. In many ways it was the forerunner of this place. Walter Rathbone acquired the property and had it demolished before relocating here in Castle Rock and building our institution.”

Dr. Carlson: “Really? I had no idea. But what does that have to do with Old Charlie? Was he a patient at Shockley House?”

Dr. Harris: “No, not a patient then. He used to be a police officer and was the first to arrive on the scene the night that Dr. Matthew Remy went crazy, killed a resident and a nurse, and then committed suicide.”

****

Charlie Dithers sat at the bar peeling the label off a beer while he watched the neon sign in the window flicker and buzz. He had lost count of the hours he had been sitting there sucking down beer and thinking about the last few weeks of his life. He had seen all kinds of crazy shit in the eight years he was a cop, but that night at the old Shockley place made the other stuff pale in comparison.

There were so many hellacious images that fought for a spot in his memory but the one that haunted him the most was the face of that lunatic nurse with those things jutting out of her eyes while she giggled and pushed the dead body of the doctor swinging from the roof.

He tried to go back to work and pretend that that night would recede into a mishmash of all the other demented things he had witnessed, but the nightmares were relentless. And they didn’t just come at night, either. Throughout the day they popped unbidden into his mind, and he was forced to dwell on them day and night.

After a couple of weeks, he decided some vacation time was in order. He never told his sergeant why. He didn’t need the fellows at the station knowing he was getting thin skinned and recommending he go see a shrink. That was a career killer. Instead, he made some lame excuse and pretended everything was hunky-dory.

And this was day three of vacation. He lit another cigarette and watched a tall, lean man walk in the bar. For some reason he couldn’t quite place, Charlie’s first impression was that the man was sinister. The man scanned the bar and then took a seat several feet away. The barkeep, emerging from the back with an armload of beer asked, “What’ll you have, friend?”

“Bourbon and Coke.” The man’s voice was deep and slow. He sat down and turned to look directly at Charlie. A wave of discomfort slithered through Charlie. The man reached out a hand and said, “Officer Dithers, my name is Walter Rathbone. I would like to talk to you about the Shockley House.”

****

“Look at her, Charlie. She’s been kissed by madness. Now that her eyes are ruined, what do you think she really sees?”

Charlie fidgeted uncomfortably and tried to force himself to look at the woman. She sat in an easy chair with her legs drawn up, her arms hugging them as she rocked back and forth ever so slightly. She was gaunt and still had a bandage wrapped around her head that covered her eyes. Her mouth was open, and she sang a low mewling song that was barely audible.

Charlie thought back to the last time he had seen Edith, the nurse he had found in the upper room of Shockley House with those horrible instruments protruding from each eye as she laughed maniacally, covered in her own blood.

Charlie looked at Dr. Rathbone and said, “Sees?”

“Yes, she sees a different world now, Charlie. What do suppose that world looks like?”

“I don’t know. I think she’s off her rocker. She’s lost it.”

“Obviously she’s mad,” Rathbone said as he stroked his black goatee. “But that doesn’t mean that her world is any less real than this one. Even a lunatic’s world has structure. There are rules and laws; a coherence that allows for her story to continue. We’re all but characters in a story that gives our lives meaning. Does your story have meaning, Charlie Dithers?”

Charlie didn’t know how to answer that. He thought it did, but lately, things were altering the narrative in a way he didn’t like and didn’t fully comprehend. Was this man just messing with him? Was it all some elaborate scheme? Or was this man really trying to show him something that would help explain all the madness?

Charlie’s head was throbbing, and he was tired of the place where Rathbone had brought him. Just being with Edith, seeing her this way, made him want to get away and have a drink.

“What do you want from me?” It was the only thing Charlie could think to say.

“I want you to understand.”

“Understand what?”

“Their story. Their language. I want you to understand what happened that night. It is the only way you’ll ever have peace of mind.”

Rathbone leaned down close to Edith’s ear and whispered something that Charlie couldn’t make out. Edith’s mouth snapped shut and she stopped her rocking. As Rathbone stood up Edith began to giggle.

“Come on, Charlie. Let’s go get you that drink.”

As they walked out, Edith’s giggling beat in time to the pounding in Charlie’s head.

****

“I don’t know why I’m so nervous to meet him,” Charlie said as he wrung his hands. He and Rathbone sat on a park bench. Rathbone had one leg crossed over the other and his arm stretched across the back of the bench. He looked as relaxed as a cat napping in the sunshine. Charlie, on the other hand was a nervous wreck. He sat forward with his elbows on his knees, legs shaking, and his eyes darting here and there.

“Well, you haven’t seen Dr. Ballinger since that night,” Rathbone said, as if that explained everything.

“What do I say to him?”

“I think it would be best if you let him begin; then you’ll know what to say.”

“Was it his idea or yours?” Charlie said.

“Honestly, Charlie, it was my idea; although Keith Ballinger didn’t completely understand that he needed to pass along a message to you until I helped him see it.”

“A message? What kind of message?”

“I’ll let him deliver it. Here he is now.”

Charlie looked around but didn’t see anyone approaching. Confused, he said, “Where?”

Rathbone raised an arm and pointed upward. “There.”

Charlie’s gaze followed his finger across the street to the top of the building. Charlie could see the man pulling himself up onto the low wall that enclosed the roof of the tall building. It had to be at least 15-stories tall. Charlie shot up and began to shout as he ran towards the street and waved his arms. A few people paused to regard Charlie. As he neared the street several pedestrians realized what he was yelling about. By the time a small, shocked crowd began to form, Ballinger was standing atop the wall with his arms outstretched.

And then he was falling.

Charlie Dithers watched in horror as Keith Ballinger struck the pavement with a sickening thunk.

****

“The story goes that when General Larimer came down to the confluence of the South Platte River and Cherry Creek to begin staking claims for what would become Denver City, he was approached by an Arapaho Indian named Little Dog. This was in November of 1858. Little Dog warned him about a certain place that the land speculator was trying to sell claims for settlement.

“You can guess which plot of land that was. It was where Shockley house would be built. But the reason that Little Dog gave Larimer is the interesting part. You see, that piece of land had a bad reputation that far back – and likely even much further back than the 1800’s if truth be told.

“The Indians shunned that place. Legend says that bad things befell those who crossed that place. Madness and death were born there and all who were tainted by it poisoned those around them with it. These things I know to be true. Don’t ask me how I know this; but I do.”

****

Charlie Dithers wiped the back of his hand across his mouth.  He had just lost the contents of his stomach and was still bent over the vile mess upon the ground. He closed his eyes and fought to regain his normal breathing.

What the hell had he just witnessed?

Many times, he had thought about killing Rathbone because he knew he was a monster, but he had just seen a true monster. Not a despicable human who could be called a monster. But a living, in-the-flesh monster.

Now he knew that there was no way he could kill Rathbone. Not after what he had just seen emerge from the blackened and charred remains of Shockley House at the behest of that demon Walter Rathbone.

Rathbone had brought Charlie and a man named Demetrius Hob to the old place. Poor Hob was a basket case. He was barely coherent and constantly twitched and shook. Rathbone told Charlie that Hob was one of the few survivors of that night at Shockley House. Charlie faintly remembered the man. Everything from that night was just a jumble of horrors and nightmares, so it was hard to say.

As they stepped through the debris, Rathbone bade for Hob to sit down while he and Charlie continued to step through the rubble. And then Rathbone placed his hand on Charlie’s shoulder causing him to stop. Rathbone pointed towards the spot where Hob sat and then he called in low, crooning voice some twisted, alien phrase. For a moment nothing happened. Charlie looked between the two men confused and then he heard it.

From beneath the ground there arose the sound of shifting earth and debris being thrown aside. And then the thing emerged. It was a sickly pale worm-like creature with the face of a grotesque parody of a human – maybe an ape. It had appendages. Not mammalian or insect appendages, but slithering, rope-like tentacles with barbs or thick hair. How many, Charlie couldn’t say. It rose above Hob who just looked at incomprehensibly. The thing opened its maw of needle-like teeth to an unbelievable size. Then the beast fell upon him.

It was a ghastly, sickening scene to behold with blood, gore, and the loud crunching of bones. Rathbone began to laugh and that’s when Charlie lost his stomach.

****

Dr. Harris: “Charlie, you said you weren’t there the night Shockley House burned down. How do you know about it then?”

Charlie: “He told me all about it.”

Dr. Harris: “Who? Rathbone?”

Charlie: “Yes, of course. He said it needed to happen to prepare the way. He would’ve made me go too but I was hiding from him. He probably knew where I was and would’ve made me go if he really wanted me to.”

Dr. Harris: “I see. Why do think you are so important to him, Charlie?”

Charlie: “It’s not that I’m important to Rathbone. God, he detests me. I’m important to that thing.”

Dr. Harris: “In what way?”

Charlie: “It’s inexplicable, really. For some unknown reason, I can speak to it.”

Dr. Harris: “Like, another language?”

Charlie: “Something like that. It’s nothing I ever learned. It just comes to me unbidden. But we were talking about the night that Shockley House burned down.”

Dr. Harris: “Right, go on.”

Charlie: “The one he really needed that night was Donald. He was one of the surviving patients that was there the night that Remy lost it.”

Dr. Harris: “So, Rathbone took Donald to the house?”

Charlie: “Yes. He made Donald the sacrifice. He sent Donald into the house; deep into the basement and somehow had him trigger the explosion that caused the fire and destruction.”

Dr. Harris: “So Donald died in the house?”

Charlie: “Oh, yes. It was the plan all along. Rathbone planned every little step.”

Dr. Harris: “For what purpose, Charlie?”

Charlie: “To clear the way so that I might bring the white worm here to Rathbone Asylum.”

****

From that moment on, it spoke to Charlie in a low, mental crooning that circled his brain incessantly saying, 

“AhCharlieIcan’tbegintothankyouenoughforallofthesacrificesyou’vemadetobringmehereYoudoknowjusthowimportantourworkisdon’tyouLetmetryandhelpyouseethingsintheproperperspectivemyboyAllofthesepoorsoulsareblessedwiththeabilitytoseeworldsbeyondtheonethatmostmenexperienceTheyarecalledmadyettheyarenottrulyTheyaregiftedAnditisIwhohelpthemtofullyexperiencethegloryoftheworldtheyescapeintoEverylifehasastoryanarrativethatgivesmeaningtotheirworldCanitbehelpediftheyarecalledinsanejustbecausethatotherrealmisfracturedanddisjointedItrequiresacertainpowertoprovidethatcoherencetotheworldtheyaredistancedfromSomewouldcallitanalternatedimensionImaginetheirfrustrationwhentheycanonlyaccessthatotherdimensioninbitsandsnatchesThatiswhatismaddeningImerelyhelpthemcrossoverandexperiencethoseotherdimensionstotheirfullnessWhileitmightappearthattheyarejustprisonersofthishorridplaceinrealitytheyaremostlyoffwritingtheirtruelifestoriesExploringadventuringstrugglinglovingfightinglivingafullerandricherlifeComenowCharlieandletmehelpyousharetheirstoriesnowHaveyoufoundtheYellowSignIlongforHaliandthecloudydepthsofDemhe . . .”

Dear Dr. Harris,

By the time you read this you will have, no doubt, heard of the details of my suicide. It was no small feat to arrange the necessary method in this institution, the security measures being what they are. But, as they say, where there’s a will, there’s a way. It is my final wish that you read this explanation of my condition and share it with my family, so they understand as well. I’ve tried on numerous occasions to express what is presented here to you and your staff, but I am received with skepticism and patronizing dismissals.

Just so you know, up until last night, I was happy in my confinement here at the Rathbone Asylum. The events that led to my institutionalization I will recount here. While I was initially placed here in a state of great emotional anguish, I grew quite happy with the arrangement. Why? Well, that’s because I am literally never alone here. But something changed last night and to understand that you must hear the whole tale.

Everything came to a head when my girlfriend Heather finally had enough. She said I was smothering her. She was right, you know. That’s exactly what I was doing. Hell, I meant to do it. It was my plan all along. I don’t mean that I literally tried to smother her. I wasn’t trying to choke her or anything. I mean that I needed to be with her constantly. And not out of some driving passion or exceeding love. I mean, I did love her. I suppose it would have never evolved into anything serious, though. I don’t know, but the reason I smothered her was because I needed her companionship.

I went so far as to take a job that had a schedule that was as close to hers as possible. And if she left the apartment I had to go too. While we were at home, I had to be wherever she was. I couldn’t help it. I knew she would tire of it sooner or later. I can’t blame her.

Again, the whole reason is because I can’t tolerate being alone.

Why? Because I’m being haunted by something. I know it sounds absurd and I know it’s probably all in my mind. But a part of me knows it’s out there and not in here. And I feel it’s always watching. If I’m with someone else, it’s not so bad – like it’s watching from a distance – but when I’m alone! God, when I’m alone, it’s right beside me! Leering at me!

I can’t see it. It’s just a presence I feel. Surely, you’ve experienced the feeling before. Maybe you’ve been alone in your room and you have a sudden feeling that something is watching from the darkness of the closet, or you’re in the bathroom and you have a sudden sensation that when you look up into the mirror that there will be something behind you in your reflection, or maybe you’re walking alone at night and as the realization of your isolation dawns on you, it’s quickly followed by the feeling that something, somewhere around you is watching you. Do you know what I’m talking about?

Now imagine that feeling turning into a palpable, ever present, and hideously chronic feeling! A horrible feeling of being stared at. An overwhelming feeling of alien eyes probing you. A gnawing at your brain! Good God, don’t you see? There’s no difference in whether it’s a real haunting or a fabrication of my mind! Because either way, it’s driving me mad!

I can pinpoint when it started. It was one night back in September of last year. Have you ever heard of the artist Shaun Kesner? He enjoyed a temporary fame among the eccentric artists. Kesner was a talented enough artist but had too much of a bent toward the dark and melancholy for most people’s tastes. I hear he eventually went loony himself.

Anyway, George Degnan, an acquaintance of mine, acquired one of Kesner’s pieces. So back in September, George has this house party and I go. The party was fine enough. Not much to speak of really. In the wee hours, after the party had thinned out a bit, this girl – I seem to recall her name was Daphne or Diane or something like that – pulls out a Ouija board.

Now, I didn’t sit and mess with the silly thing, but I do believe that it is somehow part of the cause. Things began to get weird. Very surreal, you know. These people are gathered around the Ouija board in almost like a trance and there’s music blaring almost hypnotically, I’m drunk, and then I feel this wave of nausea just hit me like a huge wave at the beach. So, I race to the bathroom but there’s someone in there. I had to go into George’s room. He has another bathroom in there.

I barely make it to the bathroom before losing it. It was horrible but I felt a little better. At least well enough to attempt to get home. So, I’m walking through George’s bedroom when the feeling hits me. Something is watching me from his closet. Just a little fleeting feeling, but enough to make me go investigate the closet. I open it and turn on the light and my attention is drawn to Kesner’s painting. It was on the floor propped against the wall and covered with a cloth. I mean, I didn’t know it was Kesner’s painting under there. I was just compelled to uncover it and see it.

It was a horrible, suggestive thing. It was a dark figure buried in the shadows of some strange structure. The only light cast upon it revealed a portion of its hate-filled eyes. I don’t know how long I stood there staring at it while the music throbbed and the people chanted over that damn Ouija board; but I finally broke the gaze and proceeded to destroy the painting!

Yes, I ripped it to shreds. George doesn’t know it was me. Hell, he may not even know that the painting has been destroyed because I covered the frame back up and placed it back in the closet. Even if he did discover it, there were so many people in and out of the place all night long that it would be impossible for him to know it was me.

What happened next? I fled the party. I went home and was so drunk and felt so awful that I fell into a deep sleep. But when I woke up the thing was there.

Not physically there. I mean its presence was there. I felt it watching me again. Just as if I were looking at that awful painting all over again.

That’s when the nightmare began. Since that time, I haven’t had a single moment of solitude. The first few weeks were the worst because that was before Heather. I was living alone and, God, it’s so much worse when I’m alone. It’s oppressive. It watches, constantly glaring at me from some indeterminate place. I went without sleep for days until I literally fell asleep from sheer exhaustion. I couldn’t go on like that! I had to get out of there!

I sought out places where there were people so I wouldn’t be alone with it. I still feel its presence even around people, but it’s not as palpable as when I’m alone.

I feel it now! Of course, I do. It never leaves me alone. Never for a moment. It’s here with me right now. The damned beast!

I began going to stores, the mall, restaurants, clubs, anywhere that people would be. I eventually began to spend a lot of time at the library. It became my haven. A place where I felt unbothered, yet still around a crowd. That’s when I began to research just what I could be dealing with.

Of course, I had to determine if it was just my imagination. I admitted to myself that I could be off my rocker. A loose nut in the head, a crossed wire in the circuits, some hypnotic suggestion from the Ouija group, or subliminal message planted into my subconscious. But I finally thought that it could be one of a handful of irrational phobias spun out of control in my head.

I can name all the pertinent ones. Fear of being alone: Autophobia, Isolophobia, and Monophobia. Fear of eyes or being stared at: Ommetaphobia, Ophthalmophobia, Scopophobia. Oh, Psychiatrists have names for all sorts of fears. But, in the end, there was more to my predicament.

I wasn’t truly afraid of being alone. I want to enjoy the peace of being alone, for God’s sake! It’s just that when I’m alone, it’s always there too. So, I’m never truly alone. And I don’t mind eyes or being stared at. I don’t feel like I’m being stared at by anyone else. You see my point? I just don’t enjoy being leered at by him. It’s like he’s studying me, taunting me, tormenting as he bides his time for some final blow!

I finally found a case, though. A case like mine. It was such a comfort to know that I wasn’t crazy!

The case was about one Mr. Raymon. He began to be haunted by a presence one night when he returned home to find a visitor sitting in front of his fireplace. Upon going to greet the visitor he discovered that the chair which held the form was empty. From that night onward his experiences were quite similar to mine.

What happened to him? How did he overcome it?

Well, that’s the strategy I was pursuing up until Heather and I broke up. Mr. Raymon married for the only reason of having a constant companion to minimize the opportunities of being alone. After I fell upon this simple, yet effective strategy, I began searching for someone in eagerness.

I knew that Heather couldn’t take it forever and that it was just a matter of time before she finally grew tired of me suffocating her.

Did I tell her about the thing? God no! She would’ve thought me a kook and sent me packing.

Heather had become suspicious of my behavior. Her friends had finally got the nerve to say something about how I never let her out of the apartment without being tied to her hip. Girls’ night out, I suppose, was the thing that started it. Her friends had been hounding her for several months.

I knew that I would eventually have to cave in or else it would be over with us. So, I finally gathered my resolve and decided to endure an evening alone while Heather enjoyed a night out with her girls.

I tried to pretend I wasn’t alone. I put on the television and turned up the sound so that it filled the empty space. But the feeling crawled into my awareness. Just a strange little gnawing that someone was with me. Somewhere hovering out of sight. Like a presence in my periphery.

At first, I tried to ignore it and tell myself that it was silly. That I was being paranoid and over thinking the sensation. But it was impossible to push it away. And then it just grew! My heart started racing and I felt those awful eyes boring into me. I kept looking around trying to figure out just where it was located but there was nothing there. Nothing I could see, anyway. But I tell you, it was there! It was there in the room with me!

I fled the apartment. I knew where Heather and her friends would be, and I went there. A part of me knew it was a terrible idea to crash her and her friend’s night out, but the irrational portion of my brain drove me to find my companion who I knew would help me to drive the thing away as she’d done for so many months.

Well, you can guess the disaster that ensued when I came barging into the club, frantic and unnerved. The joyous mood of their night out was immediately spoiled. Heather was embarrassed and flew into a mad rage. She berated me and I could do nothing but take it. I really don’t blame her for her reaction.

She told me that when she came home, she didn’t want to find me still there.

I walked the city streets in a stupor, ashamed of my behavior and my juvenile actions. I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault. It was the damn thing that haunted me. It had haunted me ever since that night I gazed into that grotesque painting of Kesner’s while those tittering witches chanted over that Ouija board!

Then, suddenly, I was stirred from my reverie and realized that while I was still walking through the city, I was completely alone. There were no pedestrians, no cars going by, no people to be seen anywhere around me. And like a raging tsunami, the feeling of the thing’s presence slammed into me! My gaze darted here and there. There were just so many places that it could be. It was overwhelming! I was fraught with terror! I began to hurry and then jog and then I was running, desperately searching for someone. Anyone at all!

Then I passed the alley and had to stop, frozen in terror. It was exactly as Kesner had depicted it in the painting! The buildings framed the alley like some strange, alien structure. The shadows were deep, and I knew it was in there. Buried in the shadows watching me. And as I stared, I beheld those hate-filled eyes emerge from the shadows. And then the rest of its head emerged from the shadows! It was horrible and inhuman! What kind of ghoulish, nightmare creature I cannot say, but I ran!

I don’t recall what happened next. I was a raving maniac, though. I blacked it all out. Somehow, I’m told, the authorities intervened, and I was brought in. That led to my current arrangement. As I said, at first it was against my will, but after I settled down and took stock of my situation, I found I rather enjoyed the fact that there is always someone around me. And that was the situation for the last couple of months.

Then, last night, things took an even more sinister turn. It happened while Albert and I were playing chess in the game room. Of course, the thing was there too. As I said, it’s always there but it doesn’t exert as much of an influence when other people are present. Then, the game was interrupted by the shrieks of Gladys. She had been sitting across the room engaged in some other activity. She was pointing and screaming as she tried to back out of the room. I turned to look at what she was pointing at and realized that she was pointing at where I felt the presence to be. She saw it!

Several members of the staff rushed into the room to try and discern the source of her distress and I heard her say, “Can’t you see it? Can’t you see the creature? Its eyes! My God, its eyes!” Gladys was quickly removed from the room and, no doubt, sedated.

This served to unnerve me to such a degree that I could hardly function. I left the game and went into the T.V. room, which held many more people. I paced the room and tried to focus on the show playing on the T.V. Eventually, I calmed down enough to sit down and watch the movie.

It wasn’t long, however, before Big John, who has quite lost his faculties, patted me on the leg and said, “Why is that thing looking at you so hard?”

“You can see it?” I asked incredulously.

“Well, of course. He’s right there,” he said pointing.

I didn’t sleep at all last night. The implications of these events were too horrible. Obviously, the fragile minds in this place lack some crucial filter that allows them sight beyond the normal person’s perceptions. I’m afraid it’s just a matter of time before I descend to their ranks.

Today there were several more incidents. Darryl, Emily, and Calvin all claimed to witness the beast’s presence. I cannot tolerate this existence. It seems the one place where I could reside surrounded by companions who would help save me from my plight has become a prison, a hell too excruciating to endure.

Even now, the beast sits beside me, staring at me with the hatred of a legion of demons. Cruel, vile, and maddening! And now I will place this statement in the box upon your door and I will stroll off into the peace of oblivion – all for the simple fact that I can never be truly alone.

Nash Farragut

Reverend Kirk was taken down

By the Welkin wit and guile

He was ushered underground

To face the Fairy trial

He was born the seventh son

And saw with second sight

A saintly man who didn’t shun

Such a pagan Pixie rite

___

The Commonwealth of the Fairy rings

Down in Doon Hill

The Seelie Court of the Dawn Queen sings

Down in Doon Hill

The Unseelie Host brays and screams

Down in Down Hill

All the while Robert Kirk dreams

Down in Doon Hill

___

The Reverend journeyed to the Netherworld

Saw wonderous sights so grand

Fairy lights that twinkled and twirled

And Brownies hand in hand

Satyrs and Sylphs dancing with delight

To a merry piping flute

Sparkling streamers in flitting flight

To an Elven trumpet toot

___

The Commonwealth of the Fairy rings

Down in Doon Hill

The Seelie Court of the Dawn Queen sings

Down in Doon Hill

The Unseelie Host brays and screams

Down in Down Hill

All the while Robert Kirk dreams

Down in Doon Hill

___

A hush hangs as Robert appears

The Seelie Fey hide swift

Queen Glenowen must allay their fears

For she recognizes Robert’s gift

May they always welcome the Minister merrily

Amongst the Seelie Fey

But woe to him should he unwarily

Unto the Unseelie stray

___

The Commonwealth of the Fairy rings

Down in Doon Hill

The Seelie Court of the Dawn Queen sings

Down in Doon Hill

The Unseelie Host brays and screams

Down in Down Hill

All the while Robert Kirk dreams

Down in Doon Hill

___

After years of jaunts beneath the soil

His luck hard turned to gloom

The Unseelie, wary of the priest of Aberfoyle

Led him to his doom

Through subtle sound and lights misseen

He was led astray

By Red-Capped Gnomes and Goblins green

Where he remains this day

___

The Commonwealth of the Fairy rings

Down in Doon Hill

The Seelie Court of the Dawn Queen sings

Down in Doon Hill

The Unseelie Host brays and screams

Down in Down Hill

All the while Robert Kirk dreams

Down in Doon Hill

I’ve cried so many tears, ‘tis enough to fill the sea
For my bonny Johnny Johnstone has gone to Lockerbie
My honor bound beau, don your jack, steel your hands
And heed your Lord’s call to join the other riding clans
From the glens of Annandale to the rolling Debatable Lands
Come the Armstrongs and the Scotts to join us at Dryfe Sands
He tipped his bonnet proudly, atop his gallant roan
And I pray you’ll return to me, my bonny Johnny Johnstone
For I can’t endure this world alone
Without my bonny Johnny Johnstone

___

The Lord Maxwell defied King James in fifteen eighty-four
Then the Laird’s brother cut down Cranston and Lammie at Crawfordmoor
But the fuse was lit to the fiery feud when they burned down Lochwood Tower
They took as prisoner the Lord of Annandale who died bereft of power
John Maxwell became the Warden of the West, his favor being restored
But not James Johnstone, the dead Laird’s son, whose honor was deplored
In less than ten, the feud began again, with Johnstone thievery
But a Crichton of Sanquhar trod him down and hung him from a tree

___

Fi Ti El On
And cut ‘em to the bone
We will reive and rend
Till we put an end
To Clan Johnstone

___

Well, Willy Johnstone escaped the Crichtons and raised a powerful band
And back they went to Annandale and reived the entire land
Douglas, Kirkpatrick, Crichton, and Stuart flocked to Maxwell’s side
But Johnstone, Scott, Eliot, Armstrong, and Graham, were saddled up to ride
They surprised a force at Lochmaben Church and avenged Lochwood’s razing
In the Kirk they trapped Robert Maxwell and set the Church ablazing
And young Johnny Johnstone who left his wife Mary crying in the dale
Has joined his kin in Annandale to face the army of Clan Maxwell

___

Fi Ta Ru El
Through strath and through dale
We will reive and rend
Till we put an end
To Clan Maxwell

___

The Johnstone’s took the higher ground between the Dryfe and Annan
The Maxwell clans were two thousand strong and bristling to a man
Johnny and some cousins rode like hares before the hounds
Like howling fiends, the Maxwells screamed, and were led to the lower grounds
Up the hill, young Johnny flew, to join his kinsmen kept in hold
Just in time to turn and see the terrible scene unfold
From every side Johnstone men descended with lance, sword, and knife
And in that savage slaughtering field, young Johnny lost his life

___

Fi Ta Ru El
Through strath and through dale
We will reive and rend
Till we put an end
To Clan Maxwell

___

And sometimes Mary will return to place flowers where Johnny fell
She somehow always knew her love would not survive that day of hell
The terrible Johnstone Maxwell feud, that was fought in Annandale
For while Johnny was a bonny Johnstone, his mother was a Maxwell

___

I’ve cried so many tears, ‘tis enough to fill the sea
For my bonny Johnny Johnstone has gone to Lockerbie
My honor bound beau, don your jack, steel your hands
And heed your Lord’s call to join the other riding clans
From the glens of Annandale to the rolling Debatable Lands
Come the Armstrongs and the Scotts to join us at Dryfe Sands
He tipped his bonnet proudly, atop his gallant roan
And I pray you’ll return to me, my bonny Johnny Johnstone
For I can’t endure this world alone
Without my bonny Johnny Johnstone